Dad

Published on 10/26/2020, 7:06:53 PM

Updated on 11/21/2020, 8:06:53 PM

There Will Never Be Another

My father was diagnosed with Frontotemporal Dementia in 2016. On June 24, 2020, he died. Three months after we were supposed to have a full family visit that was canceled due to his hospitalization from a fall.

I got to see him one last time, two weeks before he passed. I wore a full set of PPE due to COVID-19 precautions: gown, N95 mask, goggles, and gloves. This was not how I imagined saying goodbye to my father.

What I Wanted Someone to Tell Me

You are in a race against the clock. There is no getting over this disease. There is no magical cure. Make the most of the time you have right now. The other stuff can wait. Visit, call, or video chat every chance you get. You will NOT get another chance.

This disease only ends in one way. In the end, they might not be very responsive. The conversations will be one-sided. It is going to be draining to see your loved one like this. Say what you need to say. You will NOT get a second chance. If you take only one thing from this post remember the previous sentence.

How I Coped

Accept it. You can not fight this. No amount of science or medicine is going to change this diagnosis. All you can do is make them feel comfortable as the time goes on.

I called and did video chats when my parents were feeling up to it. I had the easy part, I was over 200 miles away with my family. I didn’t have to spend every day watching him fade away.

They Are Gone, Now What?

We all grieve in our own ways. Let the grief happen. For me, it comes in little moments through out the days and weeks. It will be something my kids say or something I read. I will get a text message from a family member reminding me that it would have been his birthday.

Let the grief happen. Do not fight the grieving process. Get help if you need it. I found writing about my experience to be therapeutic. It is going to hurt but life will go on.

There Will Never Be Another

…phone call to wish him Happy Birthday
…phone call to wish him Happy Veterans Day (US Navy)
…hug, kiss, or handshake
…visit to see him
…chance to visit with his grandkids

There Will Never Be

…a chance to meet my brother’s son
…a retirement

My brother and his wife were able to tell my father about the kid before my father passed.

Final Thoughts

Today was his birthday. I was doing fine until I got a text from my aunt reminding me of his birthday. A flood of emotions came that inspired this entry. I’m thankful for each day I have with my family. Take time from your day to reflect on what you have in your life. Reach out to the people that matter. We get a limited amount of time on this Earth and every second that passes is gone forever. You cannot get it back but you can make the most out of right now. Do it now. Don’t wait.

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